I'm new to the region, but I can't help but intervene here....

With all this nonsense about shirt cockers going on, I'm utterly surprised that no one has bothered to bring up the dire dangers in shirt cocking. This should seriously be a burn event PSA that is broadcast as repetitively throughout the burn as Britney Spears is throughout the media.

You know how they have signs at amusement parks that one "must be this tall" in order to ride any given ride? This of course prevents those of a vertical disadvantage from slipping out of a roller coaster car, like a slice of ham from a badly built sandwich, and shlupping to the ground just as unceremoniously as the aforementioned ham would (mustard side down). Dammit man, it's simply dangerous to shirt cock unless you have the proper waist girth to penis length ratio. However, the equation isn't that simple, because everyone knows as you go up in weight your penis length drops. In fact you can expect to lose a half inch or more in length for every 50 pounds of weight you gain. (Look it up, this is pure biology in action).

Thus an endomorphic stubby cock (ESC) has nothing to worry about because his waist will create the ubiquitous lean-to effect and securely cover his junk with a cockport of belly fat. However, those of the ectomorphic judiciously endowed (EJE) nature are a serious threat to themselves and those around them should they become sexually aroused while shirt cocking.

This is a grave danger folks. A veritable costume malfunction waiting to happen. Should the EJE become erect, his penis could catch his shirt creating the proper tension to form a tent/sail apparatus that in the proper wind (i.e.- your standard white out weather) could cause the EJE shirt cocker's shirt to catch the wind and hurl them into any sundry of camps, art, bikes, people, etc. etc.

I'm telling you folks. An airborne body is one thing, however, a half naked airborne body with an erection is FU©KING LIFE-THREATENING!!

Furthermore, since the proper waist to penis length equation is further muddled by the fact that the weight to penis ratio is one related to shifting sand, I propose that ALL shirt cockers (because I don't trust any fu©king hippy to do the math) must wear half-shirts (ala van halen in 1984). This Half Shirt Proposition (HSP) will prevent 100% of all shirt cocking tragedies. Thus any ESC or EJE can walk around in all of their shirt cocking glory and not be a danger to themselves or anyone else for that matter.

However, this brings me to my last and final point. The HSP as it is currently penned is completely and utterly absurd!! Why you may ask? Well, because it's not 1984, and a reasonably priced well-tailored half-shirt is nigh IMPOSSIBLE to find. Therefore, ALL shirt cockers would be forced to create their own by maliciously going after a prized shirt with a pair of shears (further risking penile amputation if they didn't bother to put on their pants, but I digress).

and come on people... let's face it. A shirt cocker in a half-cocked half-shirt is simply put

BAD FASHION....

and since I'm not willing to put myself at risk or anyone else by allowing shirt cocking to continue as it stands today.

I have to take the moral high ground of stating that shirt-cocking should NOT be allowed at burns. Granted the above scenario specifically applies to BRC, but we don't want to get people trained in bad habits, thus all burns should be considered "shirt cocking free zones"

It's simply too dangerous and the alternatives are too ridiculous for both ESC's and EJE's. Not to mention those of us of the non-shirt cocking variety. But what of the Ectomorphic Stubby Cocks (ESC) you may ask? Well for one, that acronym is already in use for the Endomorphic variety, and secondly.... What red-blooded self-loving male is going to stand up and say, "Oh these rules don't apply to me. As you can see I have a small dick." The chances of that happening are astronomical and we don't need to amend this rule by having a bunch of exceptions. No sir/ma'am... Take the burner high-ground of all inclusiveness and make this apply to everyone across all burns. Period. End of fu©king discussion.

The life of you or someone you love, may well depend on it.

Thank you for your attention.

Seriously,
m.e

P.S.-I think shirt cocking should be written as all one word "shirtcocking" I dunno, it's more phallic that way, but that's for another tirade at another time.